Orbitalia
by oath-keeper95
Summary: We know about the countries of Hetalia... But what about the planets? First three chapters are introductory of main cast in verity show form, but the real show starts after in chapter four. Side note: I am also taking ideas for scenarios for the story, so if you've got an idea, than tell me and if I like it, I'll use it and give credit where credit is due, y'know?
1. Introduction: Gaia, Mars and Luna

The following program has been brought to you by VenturianTale and InvaderJes11 from youtube. Please enjoy.

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"Hello children!" exclaimed a young woman with long flowing brown hair wearing a long blue shirt to an unsurprisingly empty room.

"… Ummm… O.K., where are my children?" she inquired as she looked right towards me as I wore my dark blue long-sleeved shirt and my Kisuke Urahara styled hat, where as I responded reluctantly…

"Well… seeing as I haven't uploaded anything in the past six months to my fanfic account, I'd be surprised if any of my readers even remembered that I exist." I said to the confused girl, rubbing the back of my head. "But don't worry Gaia, with my help, I'm sure that you and your siblings will get the recognition that Hidekaz Himaruya neglected to give you."

"So what you're telling me that the reason that I'm here is just to boost your ratings, right?" Gaia sighed.

"Yep… That and I again couldn't find this idea anywhere on the web, y'know?" I admitted. "So how about we get you introduced to your children, huh?"

Once again Gaia sighed, but this one was quieter, as she walked off stage. "Fine, just do what you want. I'm gonna go and bug Mars."

"Alright! So without further due…" I started as a large, theater style screen lowered on the stage. "Let's get it started!"

As the reel began, a countdown showed on the screen.

**3…**

**2…**

**1…**

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**Character Bios:**

**Subject:** Gaia (A.K.A. Earth)

**Height:** 4' 8"

**Personality:** Motherly, Loud, and more than a little chaotic. While she tries to get her children (the characters of Hetalia) to behave and be nice to each other, she does also push them to try new things and strongly desires that her children all become accepted by the rest of her siblings.

**Likes:** Her children getting along, water, Luna and basically everything else.

**Dislikes:** War, being lonely, sitting still for more than ten minutes and aliens.

**Character:** Gaia is, as claimed by her siblings, obnoxiously loud and they tend to wonder if she's so scared of aliens then why she sends probes and signals out to discover the universe (Doctor Who reference anyone?). There is still very little she knows about herself, like why she has one year every four years that's a day longer or why her children keep mistaking Canada for America. When she's not busy trying to keep her kids on the straight and narrow she's either hanging with Luna and Mars or picking on Pluto about his height. While she tends to be easy going and relaxed, she's always eager to try new things. One time she entered the Mrs. World Pageant as a dare from Venus and ended up, ironically, coming in third place. While she doesn't tend to think too much about something before she does it, she has proven that she is able to get through pretty much anything with a minimal amount of thinking.

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"There you go Gaia. I gave an honest description about you and what your function is." I said smugly as she pulled on a tall redheaded boy wearing a red scarf and grey jacket in from off stage, followed by a younger girl with snow white hair in a ponytail wearing a yellow tee-shirt with a picture of a blue moon on it.

"Hey let me go Gaia! I can walk by myself!" the redhead said in protest to Gaia's action.

Gaia just smiled as she approached me. "Hey O.K., don't suppose that you already have Mars' character file done yet do you?"

Before I could answer a young voice broke my concentration. "Mama, have you seen Usagi anywhere? I put him down for a moment before the show started, but I can't find him anywhere." the young girl asked in a cute and innocent way.

Mars looked at the young girl in disbelief. "You really are on half lit aren't you? Didn't you leave your stuffed rat over on the table?" he rudely asked.

This made the little one angery. "Usagi is not a rat he's a bunny. An awesome bunny. An awesome bunny that makes almost as awesome dango." she ranted to the big bully before running off stage in a fit.

"Luna, don't run off on your own." Gaia cried as she chased after her little satellite.

Mars looked confused towards the direction the two girls ran off to. "What's up with them?" he wondered as he turned to me quickly. "What did you say this time punk?"

I can honestly say that this guy gets on my nerves, but I need to be patient so I can dish him during his bio. "I think that we should get you introduced to the audience, don't you?" I said as I fought back agitation.

"Whatever you say kid. Just make sure I sound good, kay." he said in an 'I didn't do anything wrong' way.

I am going to love this. I have so much dirt on this guy.

* * *

**Character Bios:**

**Subject:** Mars

**Height:** 5' 10"

**Personality:** A total grump-a-saurus to the letter. The name suits him as he is a fan of violent activities. Is usually prejudice against non-planetary species like himself.

**Likes:** Hot weather, Melee style weapons, Gaia and ice cream.

**Dislikes:** Cold weather, not being able to hit anything with a melee weapon, Venus and spicy food.

**Character:** The dude's a jerk in every way I can imagine. He's snarkier than a snarky tree pig (VenturianTale (look them up)), always says insensitive things, and not to mention he has the anger management skills of an erupting volcano, but for some reason, Gaia still likes the guy. I think it's because of how Mars' place can potentially support human life in its future, but I don't really see the appeal to a planet of red dust. Even though I wouldn't wish his tree pigness on my worst enemy, when he's not being such a selfish jack-ass, the dudes pretty sweet to hang around with. Like this one time when he, Gaia, Murcury and I were hanging at his place, he was hospitable even to me, so I guess he's okay… ish.

* * *

Mars looked at the screen in disbelief. "Okay-ish?"

"I could have just left it at jack-ass, y'know?" I asked him, causing him to cool off a bit.

"Well… I do have a bit of a problem with what I say. So I guess I should go appolo-"

"**BIINNNG!**" went a stream of shining light straight at Mars' head causing him to become unconscious.

I looked around feverishly for who ruined my crowning moment, but all I could find was a very familiar polished bell.

"Mars baby, here you are. I've been looking everywhere for you sweetie." said a tall blond wearing a white dress and a writhe on her head followed by two boys, one that was tall and bulky wearing a green shirt with noticeably short sleeves and brown hair in a buzz-cut while the other looked more intellectual than his companions with his clear glasses with a blue plastic rim, brown hair that went down to his chin yet was very well kept and a black and white striped vertically long sleeved shirt.

"Please excuse us Mrs. Keeper, but Mrs. Venus was very persistent on her desire to find Mr. Mars." said the second boy. "I am terrible sorry for interrupting your program."

I just gave a sigh. "Don't worry about it Mercury. After all..." I paused before giving a grin. "I was intending on sending for you three after the commercial break, but now that you're here, there's refreshments in the mini-fridge and a fresh batch of cookies on the table."

The muscular one's ears twitched. "What kind?" he asked in a big, deep voice.

I just smiled a little more. "There's some chocolate chip and some peanut butter that my aunt made for the show. Help..." I said before I realized that he had disappeared. "...Yourself."

Mercury sighed as he pinched the area between his eyes. "If you'll please excuse me, I have to make sure that Jupiter doesn't spoil his lunch." he said as he walked of to the refreshment were with Venus in toe dragging Mars by the collar.

"Hey Mercury, did you know that chocolate is the flavor of love?" Venus asked as they left the stage.

"Yes. But in reality it's due to the antioxidant properties found in cocoa, which in moderation can induce such a feeling."

"Oh. That's cool."

I looked off stage at the exiting group. "Now that they are off the stage, I have one more intro to do before we go to commercial, y'know?" I said as the reel began to roll again.

**3...**

**2...**

**1...**

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**Character Bio:**

**Subject:** Luna (A.K.A. Moon)

**Height:** From 3' 5" to 5' 4"

**Personality: **A proper young lady. Polite, Sweet and as cute as a button that's got a print of a puppy and a kitten trying to occupy the same slipper.

**Likes:** Gaia, her toy bunny Usagi, dango and everything Gaia likes.

**Dislikes:** Mars, Pluto, and anything that Gaia doesn't like.

**Character:** As the personification of the moon, she has an deep connection with Gaia that is almost mother daughter like despite the two of them not really being related. While Luna usually acts like a child, there are a few occasions where she becomes really mature in both her personality and physical body. This is due to how the moon waxes and wanes throughout the month. On the night of a full moon, she takes the form of a beautiful adult with long silky white hair. On the night of the new moon however, she takes the form of a toddler and has nightmares about being forgotten and has to sleep with Gaia in her room to set her mind at ease. She dislikes Mars due to his close relationship to Gaia and won't let them get to close. In other words, she dislikes Mars as much as France and Britain hate each other.

* * *

"And that's all for right now, we'll bring you more characters after a brief word from our sponsors, y'know? Besides..." I said as I looked off stage. "I have to go make sure that Jupiter left me some of those cookies." I finished as I dashed off the stage towards the green room.

* * *

The following commercial is my basic representation of VenturianTale.

**In the land of Venturia, there are four great heros. Each with years of experience, training and discipline.**

A young man with brown hair and a blue long sleeved shirt with a yellow 'V' on it looks directly at the camera. "... You do know that you are talking about a group of people who make videos that have absolutely no rhyme or reason to them that are made by a couple of nutjobs, right?"

**Join Venturian, HomelessGoomba, ImmortalKyodai, and BethanyFrye as they go on adventure through the world of Minecraft, Gmod, Roblox, and many more worlds, to either save them from the evil that is the Snarky Treepig Empire, or to watch them become completely obliterated by HomelessGoomba's inept love for TNT.**

* * *

Hello everyone, this is oath-keeper95, and as you many or may not have noticed throughout this chapter, I am likely to be swarmed by a herd of angry New Mexicans after I get part three of this chapter on the air (you'll find out when I introduce Pluto). Anyways, I know I haven't been updating my stories for the past few months, but I've really been putting a lot of thought into the characters for this story, so shove it, y'know? And even after an army of angry New Mexicans are at my door with sharpened pitchforks and torches, I am very likely to continue this story for two reasons. Firstly is because I want to give the Way family (as in Milky Way) the recognition they deserve. Secondly is because I just adore this idea. I've had this story boiling my brain into ramen broth for so long that if I don't do it, than my ears will have broth poring out of my ears, nose and mouth for the next month. Now that you see it my way, in part two, I will be introducing Venus, Murcury and Jupiter into this story.

I should have the next part of this story updated in a few days if all goes as planned so until then, peace out T.V. land.


	2. Introduction: Venus, Mercury and Jupiter

"Welcome back everyone!" I exclaimed to a partially filled room as four people sat in chairs behind me, in order sat Mercury who was busy reading 'The Art of Patience', Venus, Gaia and Luna. "Now then, before the commercial break, I had introduced Gaia, Mars and Luna. In the second half of our program, I will be introducing Venus, Mercury and Jupiter." I said before realizing something of vital importance and turned around. "… Where's Jupiter?"

Mercury closed his book and stood up. "Considering this is Jupiter we're speaking of, I'd like to assume that he's taking the initiative of practicing abstinence from food." he started as he walked off stage. "I'd like to, but just to be on the safe side, I'm going to check the green room. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Please come back safely Mercury." said Venus with a grin on her face as he escaped the burning gaze of millions of Hetalia fangirls watching the program right now.

After a few moments, I cleared my throat and said, "Well then, I guess we might as well get started with your character file, shouldn't we Venus?" As I asked this she turned and gave me a mean look.

She opened her mouth, but what came out wasn't the sweet nice voice I knew when she usually used. It was a rude and frigid voice that could only belong to someone that was as heartless as a… Heartless. "And why would I want some lower life form like you to do that huh? I mean, you probably made me sound like a total bitch, am I right?" she said as she took out a cigarette and proceeded to light it. "I mean, humans are such whiners. They beg and plead and cry for power and money and never think anything about else?"

I looked at her confused. "… Venus… are you alright?"

She shot me another glance. "No I'm not I'll let you know. I could be out hanging with my pals from Pegasus, but NNNOOOOO, instead I have to sit here and wait for this crummy story to go under because of a stupid girl's inability to keep focused on one of her stories for more than five chapters."

I looked at her even more shocked than before and turned to Gaia and Luna, who for all purposes were actually acting normally. I walked up and pulled Gaia to the side. "Hey Gaia." I whispered.

"Yes O.K.?"

"Did it ever cross your mind to tell me that Venus has a total stick up her ass?"

Gaia thought for a moment. "Now that you mention it, she's actually been that way ever since we were kids." she started as a reel began to roll.

**3…**

**2…**

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**Character Bio:  
Subject:** Venus  
**Height:** 4' 8"

**Personality:** While she's sweet and nice whenever a male is present, if the only people around her are female, she will not give a rat's ass about her behavior.

**Likes:** Mars, chocolate, cigarettes, manga and attention.

**Dislikes:** Women, humans and birds.

**Character:** When she was a kid, she was always adored and loved by everyone in her family except for Mars, which led her to become his creepy stalker. The adorable behavior she has is just a cover-up for whenever a member of the opposite sex comes near her. Otherwise, she doesn't care about jack diddly squat if there isn't a man for her to be adored by. She sees Gaia as a romantic rival for Mars' affections, and as such she dislikes her. Not to mention that apart to being the embodiment of a planet she is a vivid representation of the species that is known for it's shady and stalkery history called the 'fangirl' or 'animes obsessious'.

* * *

"What the hell was that?" asked Venus in a way that would make even Satan quiver in fear. Hell, the way she said it would make even Russia piss himself. Again, Gaia and Luna were unfazed.

I had to put on a brave face, one that would show that I wasn't afraid of the scary lady. So I turned around and before I could say anything, Mercury was dragging Jupiter by his collar and Venus went back to being all cutesy. "I'm back with the glutton Mrs. Venus." Mercury said as he proceeded to plop Jupiter into his designated chair. "I found him trying to find little frog aliens in the mini-fridge."

"Oh Mercury you missed it. The character file Mrs. Keeper gave me made me sound like I was the Virgin Mary." she said with a smile so sweet that it could kill.

Mercury sighed as he returned to his chair. "Is that so? Then I'd love to see how Mrs. Keeper has made me sound." he said as he returned to his book and Venus and Gaia to their seats, thus leaving me in confusion, which I managed to shake off before too long.

"Well then, I guess I might as well introduce you next, y'know?" I said as another reel began to roll.

**3…**

**2…**

**1…**

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**Character Bio:  
Name:** Mercury  
**Height:** 5' 8"  
**Personality:** Cold and Calculative, he prefers to be alone as opposed to being around people.  
**Likes:** Books, computers, a quiet night in, and solitude.  
**Dislikes:** Noisy people, messy people and stupid people.  
**Character:** When he was a kid, he was known for his love of pranks and tomfoolery, yet now that he's an adult, he's become a master of information and knowledge. He is still faster than anyone could imagine in both intellect and speed, but he isn't as fun as he used to be. He, Venus and Jupiter have been friends since they were children, but for some reason he seems to prefer not being around them due to Venus' nonstop gabbing over Mars and Jupiter's uncontrollable dietary habits. While he's well versed in the literal, he isn't very worldly or very sharp when someone is coming onto him, but that's the kind of character I like to call a 'paradox character'. In this example, he's book smart, not street smart.

* * *

He just sat there, continuing to read his book as the reel ended.

"… Um… Mercury?" I began, causing him to lower his book.

"Yes Mrs. Keeper?"

"I finished your file y'know?" I answered.

He just looked at me blankly before returning to his book. "Interesting."

After a moment or two of still silence, a hand arose.

"Um... Oath..."

We all turned to the hand's owner, which in this case was Jupiter.

"Where are the other siblings?" he asked, leading up to a good point.

I thought for a moment about the fact that the remainder from the group have yet to arrive. "That's odd. I'm certain I sent invites to Saturn, Neptune and Pluto. I wonder what's taking them so long, y'know?"

Once again Mercury rose and began to walk away. "Knowing those three they're likely not going to come without some... Incentive." he paused and turned to the rest of us. "May one of you give me some aid so we catch the three of them before the turn of the next century?"

We all looked at each other before returning our glances to him. "Why don't you take Mars?" Gaia asked before ending up with a giant welt on her head courtesy of one Venus. He only sighed.

"Very well. I shall wake up Mr. Mars post haste from his rest." he said as he continued off the stage.

Venus was in a fit as she began to have fangirl thoughts...

**NAUGHTY** fangirl thoughts.

**NAUGHTY** fangirl thoughts that made her blush.

Naughty fangirl thoughts that made her blush like Shiki in The World Ends With You's extra day level when Josh and Neku go into the station underpass.

And like Shiki, Venus just had to go and watch.

"Would you stop making me sound like a pervert who likes her honey bunny to have secret relations with members of the same sex?" she exclaimed at a very grinny me as I responded...

"You know what you were thinking, so own up and follow them before they escape, y'know?" I finished with welt easily twice the size of my fist pulsing on my head as she ran off after Mercury.

Jupiter looked down to me. "Are you alright Oath?"

"I'm not... but it was so worth it to get that tree pig off of my set, y'know?" I said as he picked me up a question looking like it was burning his grey matter in thought. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Well, I was thinking..." he started, his figure on his chin. "You said you sent invites to Saturn Neptune and Pluto... but you didn't mention Uranium."

I sighed. "Her name is Uranus, and she's actually busy paying her dues to the station by being the camera man until the end of the program." I said as I pointed towards the camera.

"Alright... but what did Uripades do?" Jupiter asked as a dark aura flowed over the camera Uranus held.

"Um... let's not dwell on the past alright? We've gotta do you bio before the commercial break." I said as the aura faded and the reel began again.

**3...**

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**1...**

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**Character Bio:**

**Subject:** Jupiter

**Personality:** A kind and loyal pacifist, but a few floors shy from the top floor if you know what I mean.

**Likes:** Food, Venus, Mercury, flowers, board games, card games, video games, etc...

**Dislikes:** Mean people and being sad.

**Character:** Jupiter is nearly the exact opposite of Mercury. He enjoys almost everything and hasn't a care in the world. When people say that he's fun to be around, they're not joking. While he doesn't think to much about his actions before he makes them, he is one of the smartest people in the case of the streets and the world as a whole. His favorite activity is anything that he can do with Mercury and Venus, who are his best friends. He has trouble saying Uranus's name and is easily the most gullible member of the Way family. Unfortunately, the guy has trouble not getting into brawls, but having been used to pain by living near the Asteroid Belt, it really only hurts the guy that throws the punches to hit him anywhere.

* * *

Jupiter just rubbed the back of his head. "Ah shucks. That was sweet Oath." he said as he approached and hugged me, where as the rest of this chapter was hazy since the next I knew I was unconscious from to much brute pressure being exerted on my body.

* * *

Did you know that InvaderJess11 not only has a Youtube account, but a fanfiction account?

Either way, I watched a video of hers called 'This Is Hetaliaween! - Multi-Character APH Fandub', and I gotta say that the girls got a good set of pipes, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd take a look and tell her what you thought of it.

* * *

I know it's not my best commercial, I'm running against the clock because I'm going camping from August 8th to the 12th, so I won't be updating anything on those days, but stow your fears, as I will have more than enough fanfic to go around to all the good little fangirls of the world.

Next chapter I introduce Saturn, Neptune, Pluto and Uranus and not specifically in that order, y'know?

So until then, we go to Mercury, Venus and Mars as they stalk towards a nearby diner where the remainder of the cast are known to frequent with a large net and a gun filled with tranquilizer rounds.

... Hope things go well... for their prey.


	3. Uranus, Saturn, Neptune and Pluto

"Welcome to part three of introductions of the Way family." I hollered as Gaia and Luna sat behind me with a shoulder length blond haired girl wearing blue short sleeved shirt with a green hoodie. "If your just joining us, we've already introduced Gaia, Luna, Mars, Venus, Mercury and Jupiter who is currently running the camera so we can show you..." I paused as I pointed to the blond who in turn became a shrinking violet. "Uranus!"

"Uh... Mrs. Keeper?" asked Uranus shyly as she tugged my shirt.

"What's up?"

"Uh... Why am I here again?"

To this I sighed. "What is this, the fifth time you've asked me this?"

"Sixth." answered Luna as she held a small white stuffed bunny with a bow around it's left ear.

"I meant it rhetorically, y'know? Anyways..." I continued. "You are here to be introduced to Gaia's children as a member of the cast of Orbitalia, remember?"

Uranus looked around for a moment before a look of remembering stuck her. "Uh... I guess I remember that... I think."

Gaia gave a grin to her sister. "That's just wonderful U-chan, and I know that the bio O.K. made for you will really be something." she said as she turned that uncomfortably happy grin towards me.

"Of course I made her bio good. Believe it or not, I intend on continuing this story until A. You get the acknowledgement you and your family deserves, B. I end up not having any material left for me to use or C. We all get enslaved by aliens from planet Irk, y'know?" I joked before I took another glance at Gaia to find her in total fear and continued to say, "But that last option was more like a very low possibility of happening, y'know? I mean, we'd be more likely to be overthrown by rhesus monkeys before Irk decides to send an invader all the way out here in the boondocks of space, right?"

* * *

Somewhere in what I believe to be Pittsburg.

"...here in the boondocks of space, right?" I said on the T.V. as a small green boy with three fingers, no hair and bug like eyes stared at the screen in disbelief.

"How in the name of the Irken Empire does that Earthian know that I was sent here by the all mighty tallest!?" he hollered to a small robot sitting on the nearby sofa eating a taco. "GIR, did you tell anybody about our secret plan to conquer this pitiful planet?"

The robot looked at him in confusion before it began to go through it's memory circuits. "Well... there was the pizza man, the cable guy, Dib, a pig, James Woods, Gaz..."

* * *

Back on set.

"Now onto the introduction!" I said as the reel began.

**3...**

**2...**

**1...**

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**Character Bios:**

**Name: **Uranus

**Personality:** Really sweet and polite but a total air head and very accident prone.

**Likes:** Being with people she knows, cats, dogs and Neptune.

**Dislikes:** Being around strangers and milk.

**Character:** While she is one of the oldest of all of the Way siblings, saying she's easily distracted is like saying that Haruhi Suzumiya is hyperactive. It's not that she doesn't think, it's just that she doesn't do well around unfamiliar people and surroundings, which in her case would be all of them. due to this, she has taken the liberty of keeping journals to remind her of what she was doing or about new people she's met. Born under a bad star, she has absolutely no luck at all in any context, but does she just curl up into a ball waiting for lightning to put her down, no. In fact, being the airhead she is gives her the ability to forget about her pasts mistakes with relative ease as she trys to comfort the people that have had to pay for her jynx-ness.

* * *

"And there you have it." I said as I turned to Uranus. "So..."

She looked at me confused. "So...?"

"What did you think of your bio?" I asked as she gave me a glazed over look.

"Uh... my bio?" she started before the glaze peeled and she became aware of the situation. "Oh... that was for me? Sorry about that Mrs. Keeper."

"Never mind." I sighed as a young man wearing a blue short sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans pushed a large yellow package with a red bow on top on set.

"Anna... You've got some... Explaining to do!" he exclaimed as he continued to push the box to the center of the room.

"Alex! What are you doing here?" I said in surprise to my cousins surprise appearance.

As the box reached the center of the room he stopped to catch his breath before he stood up straight and looked straight at me. "I'm here because I got a part time job at the studio. Besides that..." he began as he looked down at the box. "This package was sent from Mercury, so I thought you might want to see it."

We all looked at the box completely confused. "I wonder what's in it." said Gaia as she lifted Luna to her shoulders so the little girl could get a good look at the box.

"I wonder who sent it." Uranus said.

"It was Mercury silly." Gaia responded.

"See ya later Anna." said Alex as he left with out any real acknowledgement from the rest of us.

"Hey look, there's a tag." Luna noticed.

I lifted the tag to read as follows;

_Dear Mrs. Keeper,_

_I am happy to announce that the package before you has the remaining three siblings inside of it. Please take care not to let them escape as it was quite difficult to catch them in the first place. _

_Sincerely, Mercury._

"Well..." I looked closely at the box before giving it a light kick which caused a rather bizarre rustle to occur. "I guess he wasn't kidding about Saturn, Neptune and Pluto being inside of the box, but why couldn't he bring them here himself?"

"Hey there's more on the tag." Luna said leading me to pick up the tag and read what was on the other side.

_ P.S. _

_Mrs. Venus decided to drag Mr. Mars to a 24 hour love hotel, so I'm to busy keeping her from ruining her credibility with him even more to be there._

"Of course Venus would do something like that." I sighed before I began to unwrap the box. "Well like it or not, we still have a show to do and I can't introduce the last three characters if they're dying of oxygen starvation, y'know?" I said as I lifted the box which was conveniently opened on the bottom to reveal three young men tied to each other by the waist, a tall black haired boy wearing a green jacket over a short-sleeved black shirt, a slightly smaller blue haired boy wearing a long-sleeved blue shirt and finally a much smaller boy with weird purple hair wearing a short-sleeve with a print that looked like Charon the boat keeper of the river Styx on it.

"What the hell is with those three huh? It wasn't bad enough that they attacked us out of nowhere, but shooting Neptune with a tranq-dart wasn't cool!" Exclaimed the smaller one of the group obviously referring to the unconscious blue-haired one. "And another thing, Where the hell are we!?"

"Easy Pluto. We needed you three here at the studio so we could do your bios, y'know?" I answered to the shorty.

Pluto looked at me before he beginning to blush and turn away. "Oh great, so instead of sending us a letter or an email, you decide to abduct us is that it?" he asked in a tone that was immeasurably quieter than his previous tone.

I looked at him confused. "Hold on... your invite should have gotten to you on Wednesday."

"BUAAAA-HA-HA-HA! Gotcha again Pluto! That's what you get for making me getchyer mail for ya!" the black-haired boy said in hysterics.

"You mean this is your fault!?" exclaimed Pluto who was flailing his legs in detest for his friends behavior.

"Yep, and I gotta say that I was started to get bored not going here before we were chased by Tweedle-Dee, Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Duffous, but the way they shot out of those bushes after Titan scared them silly was such a rush that I couldn't stop from laughing." he gaffed loudly, causing Pluto major irritation.

"That's it Saturn, when I get out of this rope I'm gonna knock that crappy sense of humor right out of your skull!"

"EXCUSE ME! I'm sorry for interrupting the little lovers spat routine you guys got here, but I do still have introductions for you three, y'know?" I hollered, causing them to stop and look guilty , giving me time to catch my voice. "Now then, since we don't have very much time left, I've had to squeeze the three of your bios into one, alright?"

Saturn and Pluto looked at each other for a moment before sighing and giving a nod.

"Then we'll begin."

**3...**

**2...**

**1...**

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**Character Bios:**

**Name(s):** Saturn, Neptune and Pluto (A.K.A. the Three Stooges)

**Personality: **Saturn is a total nutcase that think everything is a stich, Neptune has a tendency for being Saturn's and Pluto's shield whenever danger arises, and Pluto's a Napoleon Complex.

**Character:** You rarely see any of them without the other two around him and while Neptune is usually to busy keeping Pluto from killing Saturn, the three of them get along well even when Neptune stops being the wall of reason. Saturn has an affinity for animals which is only to be expected when all of his satellites have animals for representations. Neptune tends to get into trouble a lot around Saturn and Pluto due to his inability to plan ahead of his friends unpredictable actions, and due to this he finds himself in an eternal sense of guilt for not being a 'better friend' or a 'friend that keeps his friends out of trouble'. Ever since Pluto was demoted from his nice cushy job because he didn't stand out much Gaia has been picking on him about his height, thus is the root cause of his complex, but I still think his boss was just looking for a reason to be nit-picky.

* * *

Pluto looked intently at the bio.

"Napoleon complex?" said Pluto in disbelief, which then caused Saturn to chuckle.

"Man Oath, y' sure know how to peg this guy down, am I right?"

"Napoleon complex?" Pluto said again in even more disbelief as he turned his attention to me. "Really?"

I was about to respond when Gaia interrupted, "Sorry shorty, but she kinda writes the truth minus the punch pulling."

"Oh zip it you bothersome loudmouth." he muttered under his voice as a moan began.

"nnnn... What time is it?" yawned Neptune as he sleepily rose his arms to stretch, inadvertently severing the rope that bound the three of them together.

Saturn was the first to arise. "You missed it Neppy. Pluto totally got called out as a Napoleon complex what ever that means." he uproared with a voice that would make an Exploud want to cover it's ears.

"That's it you crack pot!" Exclaimed Pluto as he rose, bearing his fist at Saturn. "If you wanna fight, let's fight!"

Saturn grinned deviously at his friend. "Same rules as always?"

"That's right. The loser treats the winner to any ice-cream they want. Now are you ready!?"

"Let's just get it started 'shorty'."

"Here we go!" Pluto exclaimed as he and Saturn rose their fists before chanting at the same time.

**Ro-**

**Sham-**

**Bo!**

They both exclaimed as Pluto's hand was balled up into a fist while Saturn's hand was flat like that used in a karate chop. (for those of you who don't realize what they were doing... Ro-Sham-Bo is just Rock-Paper-Scissors.)

"I win." said Saturn as his grin only grew in size.

Pluto on the other hand was quite upset about his loss. "That didn't count! I've haven't been doing my warm-up exorcises lately, so that's why I lost!"

"Excuse me..." started Neptune.

"Well to bad Pluto. You lost, I won. so you have to pay up."

"Ummm... Everyone... they all..." Neptune began before Pluto interrupted.

"The only reason you won is because your stupid luck you ass-hat!"

Um... Guys?"

"WHAT!" Pluto and Saturn exclaimed at Neptune.

"Everybody left a few minutes ago..." Neptune said to his friends as they then looked around to see the set and house completely empty.

* * *

Meanwhile back in Pseudo-Pittsburg.

"... Tom Hanks, the Venture Bros., the Mario Bros., the librarian and a cow." the little robot said finishing his long list of people he told about the invasion, leaving the little bug-eyed kid to ponder.

"So nobody important enough that I can send an ecomonic bomb to and cause a major dent on Earth's defenses?" he asked.

"Nope. Now sit down and watch some boob tube." the little robot said in conclusion to this program.

* * *

Hey everyone, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as it is the conclusion of the three part introductory variety show thing. I also added in a splash of Invader Zim just for my pal InvaderJes11 and her circle of fanatics just for the fun of it all. Anyways, from here on out is the real deal, the kit and caboodle, the salt and pepper. While I've got a few ideas for chapters, I'd still like to see what suggestions I can obtain from my loyal readers, so please inform me if there are any ideas that you want to see in this story, and I will do my best to make them happen with the suggester getting credit where it's due, y'know?

So until chapter 4, Good day, Good night, Good marrow.


	4. Catching Dummies for Dummies

Hey everybody. It's O.K. back from non-stop chores and trouble.

After watching a few of the Yahtzee Zero Punctuation videos, I realized something,

'I measure my worth as an author based on figures.'

Thus, I must suck at convincing people to leave me a review, seeing as the only time I ever seem to get a review is when somebody's telling me to update my stories. So I decided that the most sensible thing to do would be to ask a friend...

However, lacking friends or for that matter enemies in the direct vicinity of me, I was forced to ask Alex (my cousin) for advice, and he told me to just do what I do and anybody who doesn't like my stories, fine. This all before realizing he was still mad at me for losing his KH3D on my camping trip, y'know?

Anyways... Onto the story!

Oh wait, forgot the disclosure.

I, oath-keeper95, do not own anything related to the Hetalia franchise.

Now on to the story.

* * *

Chapter 1: Catching Dummies for Dummies

Location: The Interplanetary Café

"... and so I say, 'that's not a cow, that's Altair!'" gaffed Saturn as he, Pluto and Neptune sat at their usual table.

Pluto gave himself a face-palm in disgust. "For the last fucking time, WE'VE ALREADY HEARD THAT JOKE TEN TIMES!"

"Well that doesn't mean that it still isn't funny, am I right Neptune?" Saturn asked as he and Pluto turned to their more lax comrade.

Neptune took a moment to look at the both of them before tilting his head to the side. "I didn't hear the joke. How did it go again?" he replied causing Saturn to shoot a know it all glance at Pluto, and as they continued to bicker as they usually did when they went to their favorite café, a rustle could be heard in the bushes.

"Do you have a clean shot at them sweetie?" whispered Venus as she pushed up to Mars who was busy trying to steady his tranquilizer gun.

"Great... I was so close to getting Saturn in my sights too." Mars complained as Venus continued to push up against him and Mercury read his book.

"I'm sorry Mars baby, I was only trying to lessen your tension." she said as she eased off of Mars, allowing him to re-line his shoot.

"I'll let you know that I'd much prefer taking the direct approach and club those three idiots square on the head with one of my mallets."

"Then why not let Mercury take the shoot. Then we can go on a date."

Mars looked at her sternly as he handed the gun to Mercury. "I'm only giving him the gun so I can go home and get some sleep, not so I can go on a date with you."

"Excuse me..." Mercury began.

"Oh you, I just love that tsundare attitude of yours."

"Pardon me Mrs. Venus..."

"What the hell does a sundae have to do with the context?"

Finally Mercury lost his patients. "Hey! I shot one of them already!" Mercury whispered in anger.

Hearing the news, the two of them looked over to the table to find Pluto and Saturn freaking out because Neptune was knocked out. "Holy crap Shorty! Somebody shot Neptune!" Exclaimed Saturn in a fit.

"I can see that Saturn." Pluto replied calmly. "Judging by the angle he was sitting and where he was hit, I surmise..." he paused as if for dramatic effect, but in reality it was so he could calculate before pointing towards a streetlight. "... the culprit shot the dart off that streetlight behind him and is in fact at the table behind us." he said as he pointed at an empty table.

"... You sure they aren't in the bushes behind Neptune? I mean, It'd only be the logical solution, am I right?" Saturn explained as another dart flew past him from the designated area.

"See, I told you that I'm no good at long ranged weaponry!" Mars exclaimed in such a fuss that he stood and gave away his position leaving Pluto to stare bug eyed at the perp than back at Saturn.

"But how did you...?"

"It's pretty easy to tell when someone's spying on you when you hear whispers in a bush. And if I had to guess..." he paused for dramatic effect for real. "... the bi-polar chic and book worm are with you too, am I right?"

He was answered by a single giant question. "Mr. Saturn..." hearing the voice froze not only Saturn but Pluto in fear as a Venus popped out of the bush with an evil aura and a sweet smile. "... did you just call my bi-polar?" she asked as she trudged forwards with a golden bell attached to a long staff clutched in her hand.

Saturn and Pluto looked at Venus in fear. "Wha... What's the bell for?" asked Saturn in fear as Venus gave a grimacing smile.

"Use your imagination."

* * *

The following scene has been cut due to excessive violence.

* * *

Back to the Café.

Saturn and Pluto laid on the ground bludgeoned as Venus stood above them as she attached her bell back to the staff.

"And now you know why you don't call Venus that." Mars said as he picked up Neptune who was still taking a snooze and turned to Venus. "You do realize that you didn't have to beat the hell out of them don't you Venus?"

Hearing this, Venus turned from her prey and gave sweet smile. "Well, if the bastards had just come to the studio in the first place than I wouldn't have had to bludgeon them so much." she said as Mercury picked up the two near-dead planets.

"Shall we take these three back to the studio?" he asked with one body on each of his shoulders.

Venus pondered the choices for a moment before noticing a nearby gift shop. "I got an idea."

* * *

30 minutes later...

"...and that's how you tie a bow with style." Venus said as she tied a bow on the top of a rather sizable box that could easily fit 2 and 3/4ths men inside as Mars looked at her confused and Mercury continued his book.

"Soooo... were sending them by UPS?" Mars asked in which was responded by a nod.

"And that means that we have some free time sweetie. Wanna spend it cuddling or kissing?"

"Neither. I already said that I'm going home to take a nap after we caught them. Besides, why would I spend my free time with a stalker like y-" he said before getting hit and knocked out by Venus' bell.

"Oh no Mars!" Venus cried as she lifted Mars' head onto her lap. "Quick, we'd better get you to that conveniently located love hotel across the street." she said as she got up and dragged his limp body by the collar. "Mercury..."

Mercury turned from his book and looked at the departing duo. "Hmmm?"

"Can you wait with the package until it's picked up?" she asked, receiving a nod from Mercury and returned to his book before realizing something important.

"Oh not again." he thought as he noticed a tag on the ribbon. He put down his book, grabbed a pen from his pocket and began to write on the opposite side of it and rushed off before realizing something else and running back to get his book. "I can't lose this book or Mr. Andromedae will never let me hear the end of it." he said referring to a fellow planet and began back to the only love hotel he could see within a mile.

* * *

Meanwhile with Venus and Mars in room 143 of the Galactic Amour.

Venus was busy in the bathroom as Mars awoke, handcuffed to the bed by both arms and stripped of all clothes but his boxers. "Oh for the love of... I thought I told you to stop doing this Venus." he exclaimed as Venus entered the room in nothing but a frilly scarlet bra and panties.

"Oh I just love it when you do that babe. That look of anger on is just so handsome, I get all excited." she said as she licked her lips and took a seat on the bed. "But you don't need to keep playing hard to get. I know that you want me." she said as she crawled towards him.

This got Mars freaked out. "I'm not playing hard to get and I keep telling you that I don't love you!" he exclaimed as Venus continued.

"Now now Mars babe, I know you don't love me now, but I swear that by the end of the night, your going to." Venus responded now 3 inches away from him. "Get ready to become one with your true love."

"Why am I not surprised?" said a voice at the table behind Venus causing the two of them to turn in surprise to see Mercury reading his book. "Mrs. Venus, how many times have I told you to respect the decisions of other people?"

The two of them looked in surprise at the planet. "Mercury... How the hell did you find us?" Venus asked as she backed off from Mars.

Mercury pushed the rim of his glasses up as he turned to her. "This is the only love hotel in twenty miles that has the number 143." he explained as he placed his book on and arose from the table and walked towards the bed which made Venus begin to cringe in fear as Mercury's voice grew deep. "Anyways, you know what I have to do now, don't you Mrs. Venus?" he said as Venus backed into Mars in fear.

"Please... no... anything but that."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Venus," he started as he rose his hands, his fingers stretched out as if he were going to grab her. "But this is the only way you'll ever learn to behave yourself."

Mars looked at Mercury confused. "How are you going to teach her a lesson without a weapon?"

"I'll show you." Mercury answered as he lunged at the bed and... Huh?

"Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Sto-stop it Mercury!" Venus pleaded as Mercury's lightning fast hands tickled Venus to tears.

"I'm afraid the only way to teach you the essentials of respect is to induce physical treatment." he responded as Venus's laugh began to die down and she began to calm down to a sleep like state as she faintly laughed. "Good, now that she's asleep, I should cloth her."

Mars looked at Mercury as he walked to the bathroom and picked up the clothes on the floor belonging to Venus. "What the hell was that?" asked Mars as his savior walked back to the bed and began dressing his friend.

"That was called the 'Sleep of a Million Laughs' technique. It's a technique that was invented by the Tadpole family as a non-violent means of torture by applying presser to pressure points as you rub the body, thus inducing a sleep like state." Mercury explained as he lifted Venus now fully clothed onto his shoulder and returned to the table to retrieve his book.

Mars looked at Mercury in disbelief. "How the hell do you know the Tadpole family?" he asked as Mercury walked to the door.

"That's a story for another day. Now I wish you a good afternoon Mr. Mars." Mercury said as he exited the room leaving the story at a-

"Hey wait!" Mars exclaimed as he squirmed on the bed flailing his legs. "Get me out of these handcuffs if your so awesome!"

* * *

Well, that's it everyone, the first official chapter of Orbitalia. I want to thank gamergirlexp, Iggybrows11 and R.N. Walker for the great help proof reading and giving me ideas on the chapter. See, I wasn't lying when I said that I'd give credit where it is due.

Anyways, now that September has reared it's ugly face again, it's time for school to begin, so as a college student, I need to spend more time on school than online, but stow your worries as I will be updating at least twice monthly.

Of course... if someone were to pitch an idea for a chapter (sorry, Halloween episode is already in the works), than it would greatly increase the chance of getting more chapters added this month.

Well... I shouldn't be keeping ya'll, so please have a good school year for me, y'know?


End file.
